Tall, Thin and Blonde by Dyan Sheldon

Author:Dyan Sheldon [Sheldon, Dyan]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781406348743
Publisher: Walker Books
Published: 2013-01-02T23:00:00+00:00

On the way to her house, Marva did most of the talking. Marva was never shy, but today she wouldn’t shut up. She told me how much she wanted to be an actress, though she wasn’t sure that she’d ever want to do television – it was the theatre that really mattered. She told me that her mother had wanted to be a dancer when she was a teenager, but she’d injured her back. She told me that her father had lived in India for three years after he got out of college. She told me that her older sister had disappointed her parents by marrying a banker. She told me that her brother used to have a pet iguana. She asked me if I believed in astral projection.

“Astral projection?” I knew a lot about stars, I mean, stars are my thing, but I wasn’t sure what astral projection was.

Marva said it was when you left your body. You were still you, but you could fly around and see yourself.

I said, “You’re kidding, right?”

“Uh uh,” said Marva. “It’s one of my great ambitions in life. Next to acting on the London stage.”

She asked me what my great ambition was. For some reason – maybe because I was so surprised she was giving me a chance to talk – I told her something I’d never told anybody but Amy before. “What I’d really like to do is go into space,” I said. “You know, I’d like to be a scientist-astronaut.”

Marva nodded. “It’s sort of the same thing,” she said.

I wasn’t so sure about that, but I didn’t have a chance to reply because we’d arrived at her house.

Most places look better in the sunshine than they do in heavy rain. You know: brighter, cheerier, less likely to be inhabited by vampires or visitors from outer space. But not the house where Marva lived. It looked just as weird on a sunny afternoon as it had in the rain. Weirder even. In the sunlight you could see just how badly the paint was peeling, and just how much junk was on the porch, and that there were all sorts of feeders and bat boxes and bird houses and wind chimes and things hanging from the roof and the trees.

“Home sweet home,” cried Marva as she stepped over a sleeping cat and sailed through the front door.

So this is it, I thought to myself. Buckle your seat belt! You’re going inside Martian Control!

“Yeah.” I smiled, stepping over the same cat and following her in. “Home sweet home.” Two inches over the threshold, I tripped over something large and warm and soft. I flew past Marva. Whatever I’d tripped over let out this bloodcurdling scream and flew past me. I pulled myself off the wall.

Marva didn’t even notice. “Come on,” she said, continuing down the hall. “My room’s a mess. We can go into the dining-room.”

Still shaking slightly, I groped down the dark hall after her.

My grandmother had a dining-room. My grandmother’s dining room has a big cupboard, and a sideboard, and an enormous table in the middle of the room.

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